You know you've been in China far too long when..."

01. Ice cubes in beer actually make it cooler and more refreshing
02. You believe that every city in China is a "small town"
03. You have a pet bird...which you walk
04. You feel cheated if you don't receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut
05. You eat three regular meals a day: lunch, dinner and night snacks
06. When you go to the toilet you start bringing your own toilet paper
07. You can pick up any type of food using just your chopsticks... even peanuts.
08. The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.
09. You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.
10. It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.
11. It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting.
12. You find yourself having breakfast at KFC
13. You "do business"
14. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue.
15. You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your trousers, or you have your suits made with terrycloth pockets.
16. You forget what salt tastes like
17. You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.
18. You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
19. You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.
20. You blow your nose or spit on the restaurant floor (of course after making a loud hocking noise)
21. You look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading
22. You throw your trash out the window of your house, your car or bus you are on
23. You sneeze on someone while having a conversation instead of covering your mouth
24. You ride around on your bicycle ringing a bell for some unknown f***ing reason
25. You answer every "Yes" or "No" question with "Maybe"
26. You blame everyone else for your bad decisions
27. You put one foot on your chair seat while you eat and pick at your toe cheese mindlessly with your free hand
28. You eat bread with a fork
29. In a meeting you say everything will be 'wonderful' and give no details.
30. You watch taxi drivers picking their noses whilst stuck in traffic. Instead of feeling disgusted, you actually admire along with them, the length and breadth of the bogie. 31. Your eating manners in restaurants are now totally shot. Elbows on tables and spitting food out onto your plate is now seen as being dead classy
32. When you turn the volume on the television in the restaurant up so high that you cannot hear what the person across the table from you is saying
33. When you insist on paying the bill and fumble with your purse or wallet so long that the other person pays anyway
34. When you sit in the restaurant with your finger up your nose to your elbow and stare at the laowai. Then you pull it out, inspect it, roll it into a ball and casually flick it onto the wall or the closest person's plate
35. You start any sentence with "Mao Ze Deng said..."
36. You sit on the very edge of your chair and bring your mouth to your food, not your food to your mouth
37. You watch an american movie on HBO, with sub-titles, and try to read them.
40. You start complimenting people in your home country on "how good their English
41. You stop having opinions
42. You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off.
43. You offer to sell your own watch to a $2 Rolex street vendor, to fend him off.
45. You go back to your home country and you feel the urge to spoon or hold hands with your guy friends in public... and you're not gay.
46. You always leave tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks and Big Mac because you insisted it is the way to keep everyone employed
47. You never ask "Why?" anymore
48. Your brand new bicycle only cost you $20.
49. You go back to your home country to visit and tell all your guy friends they "are handsome"
50. You get your ears cleaned in a public square by a guy with a two foot long Q-Tip.

Und wenn man alles in dieser Liste verstanden hat und es auch zutrifft, dann sollte man schleunigst die Koffer packen und heimkehren.

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